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(by hoogiman, contributions by tikitikirevenge) “Last time, on A Smashy
Amazing Race,” said Master Hand. “Ten teams departed on the second leg of a
race around the world!
The Teams: Zelda and Donkey Kong (The
Emotionally Incompetent)
“Bowser and Ganondorf, who arrived at 5:20 AM, will depart at 5:20 PM!”
Bowser and Ganondorf “We’ve got one minute ahead of the puffballs,” said Bowser, opening the clue. “So this leg is really going to be a tight one.” Ganondorf read the clue. “You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’. There, you will receive your next clue,” read Ganondorf. “You have 150 dollars for this leg of the race, good luck.”
“Teams must find a map of the area, and on foot, walk a kilometre to the historical ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’,” said Master Hand, “This museum has the largest collection of extinct dinosaur bones, and is a well known tourist attraction. What teams don’t know is that this place closes at 6:00 PM, so those who depart before this time could get a big head start on those who are after!”
Kirby and Jigglypuff “You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’. There, you will receive your next clue,” read Kirby. Kirby put away the clue in his bag, and then looked at Jigglypuff. “How are we going to find a map of the area?” asked Kirby. “Iggly Buff Ig, Jigglypuff, Jig!” said Jigglypuff. “We could go into the hotel and find a map!” “Good idea, Jigs!” said Kirby. Kirby and Jigglypuff scampered into the hotel.
Kirby “I see my cuteness as a privilege, not a right,” said Kirby.
Kirby and Jigglypuff “I can’t find my way to the dinosaur museum!” cried Kirby. “Aww, there, there,” said a stranger nearby, comforting Kirby. “Can you help me find the way to the dinosaur museum?” asked Kirby. “Okay,” said the stranger, smiling.
Kirby
Kirby and Jigglypuff
Samus and Falcon “You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’. There, you will receive your next clue,” read Samus. “You know,” said Falcon, slyly, “I think you’re secretly in love with me, and do you know why? Because-” Samus put something over Falcon’s mouth. “It’s a home made invention,” said Samus, “a choking device. The more you try and talk, the deeper the device gets lodged down your throat.” “Mmuy mmon’t mmink mmsoo!” said Falcon’s muffled voice. “Mmin mmfact-” The device forced its way down Falcon’s throat, destroyed his windpipe and lodged itself very deep inside one of his lungs. … Falcon died. “Heh,” said Samus.
Bowser and Ganondorf “Excuse me, miss,” said Bowser, tapping on a woman’s back. The woman turned around, and then noticed that Bowser was three times bigger than her. The woman ran away. “Why won’t anyone listen?” said a frustrated Bowser. “That’s the fifth person that’s run away!” Bowser noticed Kirby and Jigglypuff getting helped by the same woman. “I know!” said Bowser, “We have to look cute!” Bowser ran into a nearby costume shop, and put on a pony costume. Some Saddle Club fans clinged on Bowser, pulling him to the ground. “HELP!” screamed Bowser. “It’s that pony!” yipped one of them. “Yippee!” yelled another. “I preferred it when we assaulted people,” said Ganondorf. “ARGH!” screamed Bowser. “Yeah, those times sure were good,” said Ganondorf. Bowser got mauled to death.
Zelda and Donkey Kong “You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’. There, you will receive your next clue,” read Zelda. “I got this map beforehand in the hotel of the area, so we can get there quick!” said Zelda, to Donkey Kong. “Okay, we’re set!” said Donkey Kong. “Okay then, all set,” said Zelda, “All set,” said Donkey Kong. “All set,” slightly hesitantly, “To spend another whole day, with you-” “Yeah…” said Donkey Kong, nervously, “I like spending time with you.” “You- You do?” said Zelda, hopefully. “Uh- Uh- what I was meaning to say was… uh…” “What?” shouted Zelda, “You don’t like me?” “I- I didn’t mean it that way!” Both started crying.
WTF Chicken
Rofl Pony
Kirby and Jigglypuff “Here’s the museum!” said
Kirby, running with Jigglypuff outside the dinosaur museum.
Kirby looked at the opening
times sign.
“Whoa,” said Kirby, “We made
it in here by ten minutes, this place closes at six!”
Kirby and Jigglypuff ran in,
and searched for the clue box.
“Jig Iggly Ig!” said
Jigglypuff. “There it is!”
Kirby opened a clue.
“You must now make your way
to Corneria!” read Kirby.
“Teams must now drive, using
one of these marked cars, to a nearby space shuttle station, and book a charter
flight!” said Master Hand. “Once there, teams must take a taxi to the ‘Sunshine
Shopping Complex’, and sell 50 posters each of themselves and autograph them!
Once they do that, teams will be handed their next clue.”
“You must drive two
kilometres to the nearby space shuttle station and board on one of four charter
flights!” read Kirby.
Kirby put the clue in his
bag.
“Okay, let’s go!” said
Kirby.
Fox and Roy “Hey, is that Zelda and Donkey
Kong up there?” said Roy, pointing to a figure on the horizon.
“I think it is,” replied
Fox. “Let’s follow them!”
Samus and Falcon “Okay, there’s the place!”
said Falcon.
“Wait...” said Samus, “If
you choked to death in the last paragraph that we mentioned, how come you’re
alive and breathing properly now?”
“Oh, don’t worry, when
characters are killed here,” said Master Hand, “They’ll come back alive again!
Just like in the cartoons!”
“Then what about Luigi?”
asked Samus, “He was dead! Nana went to jail!”
“Well… uh… uh… uh… uh…” said
Master Hand.
“Well…?” said Samus.
Master Hand said, “Luigi
died because… okay, fine, I don’t know! Maybe, maybe they didn’t really
die and it was just a trick so we could show some ads and get more ratings!”
Samus shrugged. “I guess,”
she said.
“Also,” said Master Hand, “nobody
cares about Luigi. Next paragraph!”
Bowser and Ganondorf “Hey, there’s Samus and
Falcon coming out of the museum!” said Ganondorf, running down a road.
Bowser and Ganondorf
sprinted up to the museum door.
“Whoa, we made it by three
minutes,” said Ganondorf, looking at the sign.
“Hey, there’s the clue box!”
said Bowser, pointing to the clue box.
Bowser ran over, and opened
the clue.
“You must now make your way
to Corneria!” read Bowser. “You must drive two kilometres to the nearby space
shuttle station and board on one of four charter flights! Once there, you must
sell autographed posters of yourselves in the ‘Sunshine Shopping Complex’ to
receive your next clue.”
Zelda and DK “Oh no!” said Donkey Kong,
spotting a sign ahead. “The place closes in two minutes! We’ve gotta run!”
Fox and Roy “Hurry Fox, we’ve only got a
minute left!” said Roy.
“Never fear!” said Fox, “I
have these jetpacks!”
Roy looked closer.
“Fox, these aren’t jetpacks,
these are handbags!” said Roy, angrily.
“Oh,” said Fox.
…
“Can we make believe?” asked
Fox, in a kiddy voice.
“No!” said Roy, annoyed.
“You know why you’re angry?”
shouted Fox, suddenly changing personality, “Because you’re a wimp! Tough men
don’t get angry!”
Fox made a violent tantrum,
damaging the fauna nearby permanently.
Wtf Chicken
Kirby and Jigglypuff “Jigs, are you sure you can drive?”
asked Kirby, sitting in the passenger seat.
“Jig Iggly Ig!” said
Jigglypuff. “I can drive!”
“But you can’t see!” said
Kirby. “All you’re doing is pressing the break and accelerate buttons! You’re
not holding the steering wheel!”
“Jig Iggly Ig!” said
Jigglypuff, slightly angrily. “I can drive myself!”
Jigglypuff ran a red light,
and narrowly missed death when many cars broke and piled up on top of each
other.
“Are you sure?” said Kirby,
worriedly. “It’s not very safe!”
“Jig Ig Iggly Ig!” said
Jigglypuff, angrily “I can manage!”
Jigglypuff cut another red
light, and a truck passed straight over them.
“Luckily we’re in a small
car,” said Kirby, anxiously.
“Jig Iggly Ig, Jiggly Ig
Puff Ig!” said Jigglypuff, angrily. “I told you already, Kirby, I can drive!”
Jigglypuff cut right in
front of several cars, suddenly broke, and then reversed (against traffic) into
the space shuttle station.
Kirby stumbled out of the
car.
“Here’s the sign up sheet!”
said Kirby, pointing to a sign.
Kirby wrote down his name on
the sheet.
“We’re on the first charter
flight, leaving at 6:00 AM in the morning,” said Kirby.
Kirby and Jigglypuff Samus and Falcon Samus and Falcon ran into
the flight centre.
“We’re on the first charter
flight, along with the puffballs,” said Samus.
Samus and Falcon Bowser and Ganondorf “Hey, there’s the flight
centre!” said Bowser.
“Let’s roll!” said
Ganondorf.
Bowser and Ganondorf walked
in.
“Hey, we’ve got the final
spot on the first flight!” said Ganondorf.
Bowser and Ganondorf Zelda and Donkey Kong “Okay, let’s go!” said Donkey
Kong, hopping into the car.
Donkey Kong tugged the
seatbelt, ripping it.
“Oops… my bad…” said Donkey
Kong.
Zelda tried to open the
boot, but it wouldn’t budge. She forced it open, and found out the engine was
actually in the back.
“These cars are shoddy!”
said Zelda.
The steering wheel fell off.
Donkey Kong took out his
mobile phone, and called Master Hand.
“Master Hand, are you sure
these cars work?” asked Donkey Kong, turning on the ignition.
“Uh… yeah…” replied Master
Hand nervously, “Work…”
“Are you sure these cars are
real Ferraris?” asked Donkey Kong. “There’s only one gear!”
“Uh…” said Master Hand, back
at the station.
Master Hand looked at a
producer nearby.
“Hey… can you dub over all
of that, to make a promo for my new tournament?” asked Master Hand.
“Okay,” said the producer.
Zelda and Donkey Kong “Hey, have you heard about
that new tournament?” said Donkey Kong in a very monotonous voice which was
obviously dubbed, hopping into the car.
Donkey Kong tugged the
seatbelt, ripping it.
“Yes, I’ve heard about the
new tournament,” said Donkey Kong, in a girl’s voice.
Zelda tried to open the
boot, but it wouldn’t budge. She forced it open, and found out the engine was
actually in the back.
“You better catch it on
Sunday at 8:30PM!” said Zelda with the voice of the guy that dubbed Donkey Kong
originally.
The steering wheel fell off.
Master Hand
Wtf Chicken
…
…
…
“The dub was so bad, it
makes me – rub-a-dub-dub!”
Rofl Pony “I find lots of stuff funny,
but even I know that that joke sucked.”
Wtf Chicken “Well… stfu.”
Zelda and Donkey Kong “Okay, we’ve got the 6:45
flight. We missed out going with the other teams, so we’re an hour behind.”
said Zelda.
Fox and Roy “Okay, we’re on the second
charter flight!” said Fox.
Ness and Yoshi “Okay,” said Ness, opening the clue, “Let’s roll!”
“You must now make your way
on foot, to the historic, ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’. There, you will receive
your next clue,” read Ness.
“Yoshi, Yoshi!” said Yoshi. “Okay,
let’s go!”
Popo and Young Link “You must now make your way
on foot, to the historic, ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’. There, you will receive
your next clue,” read Popo.
“Hey!” said Young Link,
mischievously. “I had an idea just before we left, and it looks like it could
help us beat the other teams!”
Young Link put up a sign a
few metres away from the pit stop, entitled, “Sauria Dinosaur Museum”. He then proceeded to put a bundle of fake clues into there.
“That’s never going to
work,” said Popo, sceptically.
“Hide, quick!” said Young
Link, jumping into some bushes nearby.
Link and Marth “You must now make your way
on foot, to the historic, ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’. There, you will receive
your next clue,” read Link.
“Hey!” said Marth, pointing.
“There’s the dinosaur museum!”
“Wow,” said Link, “that’s
not much of a museum, it’s just a sign!”
“Misleading advertising,”
said Marth.
“Yeah, I know!” said Link.
“And there aren’t any fossils here, there’s just dirt!”
“Maybe you have to find the
fossils yourself. It’s like a treasure hunt,” replied Marth.
“Yay! Treasure Hunt!” said
Link.
…
…
“In a swordsman-like way,”
said Link.
“Oh!” said Roy, suddenly
understanding everything.
Link walked over to Young
Link’s fake clue box, and opened a clue.
“You must now stay here for
sicks ours,” read Link.
Link read the clue more
carefully.
“Hey! Six is spelt wrong!
And so is hours!” said Link.
“Oops!” said Young Link,
running out of the bushes, using a marker pen to correct his mistakes.
“Better,” replied Link.
Young Link ran back into the
bushes.
Link thought about that for
a while.
“Hey! Wait a minute! Young
Link tricked us!” said Link.
Link looked around, and saw
a guilty looking Young Link, blushing.
“This isn’t the real
dinosaur museum!” said Link, angrily. “The direction that all of the locals are
pointing who are trying to get onto television is the real dinosaur museum!”
“Curses!” screamed Young
Link.
Young Link swore a lot in
Hyrulian.
“Wait!” said Young Link,
thinking up a new idea. “I’ve got a better idea!”
Popo sighed.
Peach and Mario “You must-a now make your
way on foot, to the historic, ‘Sauria Dinosaur Museum’. There-a, you will
receive your next clue,” read Mario.
“Let’s go!” said Peach.
Mario noticed some trip wire
on the ground.
“Haha!” said Mario. “Nice-a
try Young Link! You couldn’t trip-a old Mario this time! We’re-a too smart for
you, idi-”
Peach tripped over the wire,
and landed face first on the ground.
“Yes!” said Young Link,
doing a hi-five with Popo.
“Ow-a!” said Peach.
Everybody chuckled.
“But-a seriously, how do you
think tripping us over is going to help you do better in this race? I mean it
will take us-a only five seconds to get back up again!” said Mario.
“Well… uh… uh…” said Young
Link.
…
…
…
“Shut up!” said Young Link
angrily, running away and crying.
Mario looked at Popo
expectantly.
“I have no idea,” said Popo.
“Uh… Peach… go hide in a bush.”
Peach ran off and hid in a
bush.
“Peach! What are you doing?”
shouted Mario, running off after her.
Popo ran off to catch up
with Young Link.
Ness and Yoshi “What?” said Ness, angrily, “This place opens at six-thirty?”
“Yoshi, Yoshi Yoshi!” said
Yoshi. “I guess we’ll have to camp here tonight.”
Back in the studios… “Uh… no…” replied the
producer, “Our budget is too small, and you spent all of the excess money on
co-hosts!”
“Well,” reported
RoyLover8008!1, “DK is hungry.”
“Well, at least they’re reporting
us valuable information!” said Master Hand, desperately.
Link and Marth “This place opens at 7:00 in
the morning!” said Link.
“Do you want to go to our
pit stop hotel?” asked Marth.
“Okay,” said Link.
6:00 AM Charter Flight
6:30 AM Young Link and Popo “Come on!” said Young Link,
running into the museum.
Popo looked around for the
clue box, and opened a few doors in the process.
“Here it is!” whispered Popo,
taking the clue.
Ness and Yoshi “Yoshi! Yoshi up herr Yoshi
herr!” said Yoshi. “Look! Young Link and Popo have the clue!”
Ness ran into a room full of gigantic dinosaur skeletons,
and grabbed a clue from the clue box.
Peach and Mario “There’s the clue!” said
Peach, running towards where the other two teams were.
Popo
Ness
Mario “I’m a popular princess!”
said Peach. “So we should sell those posters easily!”
A gigantic dinosaur skeleton
collapsed, crushing Mario.
“HELP!” shouted Mario.
“I’m a popular princess!”
said Peach. “So we should sell those posters easily!”
Link and Marth “We decided to go slightly
earlier,” said Link, narrating to the camera, “So we’re going to get there at
6:40 AM, so we can be there if the place opens earlier.”
“Look at that!” said Marth,
pointing to Young Link and Popo running into a car, “It’s already open!”
“Curses!” shouted Link,
running up to the front door of the museum.
“Link!” said Marth, angrily.
“The place opens at 6:30 AM, not 7:00 AM!”
“Curses!” said Link,
angrily, “We’re now behind the other teams!”
6:45 AM Charter Flight
Ness and Yoshi “Yoshi!” said Yoshi. “Run!”
Ness and Yoshi ran into the airport.
“We’re first on the 7:30
Charter Flight!”
Ness and Yoshi: 1st on 7:30 AM Charter Flight Young Link and Popo “I do hope the uncos make
the other spot on the flight,” said Young Link, “Because if the uncos will
surely finish worse than us, and if Link and Marth are 45 minutes behind us,
we’re sure not to be eliminated.”
Peach and Mario “We’re-a here before the
swordsmen, Peach!” said Mario, happily, writing his name down on the charter
flight booking sheet.
Link and Marth “Drat,” said Link, “I should
have read the sheet more carefully last night. That way we wouldn’t be behind
everyone else!”
“All teams are now on their
way to Corneria!” said Master Hand. “Kirby and Jigglypuff, Samus and Falcon and
Bowser and Ganondorf are on the 6:00 AM flight, which will land at 1:00 PM
local time!
“Fox and Roy and Zelda and
Donkey Kong are on the 6:45 AM flight, which will arrive at 1:45 PM local time!
“Ness and Yoshi, Young Link
and Popo and Peach and Mario are on the 7:30 AM flight, which will stop at the
hub, Sector Z before landing in Corneria at 2:45 PM local time!
“Link and Marth are the only
teams on the 8:15 AM flight, which will land at 3:30 PM local time!”
1st Charter
Flight
Kirby and Jigglypuff “Taxi!” shouted Kirby,
standing at the taxi rank. “Here it is!”
Kirby and Jigglypuff hopped
into a taxi.
“We need to make our way to
Sunshine Shopping Complex!” said Kirby.
Bowser and Ganondorf “To make us look extra cute,
I bought these fluff suits that we could put on, that make us look extra cute!”
said Bowser, in a girly voice.
“Taxi!” said Ganondorf,
holding his hand up.
A taxi driven by a giant
vulture holding a crowbar pulled up next to them.
“Take us to the Sunshine
Shopping Complex!” said Ganondorf, hopping in.
Bowser hopped in.
“Don’t I just look so cute,
that you have the sudden urge to drive faster?” asked Bowser, trying to look
cute.
The vulture hit Bowser with
his crowbar.
“Ow!” shouted Bowser.
Some more Saddle Club fans
latched onto Bowser.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!1”
screamed Bowser.
“Wait,” said Saddle Club fan
no. 1. “This isn’t a pony!”
“Oh no! The pony was
horsenapped!” said Saddle Club fan no. 2.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking,
Saddle Club fan no. 1?” said Saddle club fan no. 3.
“Yes,” said Saddle Club fan
no. 1.
They rode off on ponies to
buy some lovely, chocolate coated milkshakes, which were actually made of ham.
Smelly ham.
Samus and Falcon Samus and Falcon walked out
of the plane.
“TO MAKE THIS STORY MORE
FUNNY, I WILL READ SOME WITTY QUOTES THAT I HAVE FOUND FROM THE INTERNET,” said
a voice over the loudspeaker.
“WTF?” said Captain Falcon.
“Better a witty fool than a
foolish wit!” announced the voice over the loudspeaker.
“These people here are
freaks!” said Captain Falcon. “What could be worse?”
“I’M READING OPRAH MAG!”
shouted a girl from a few metres away.
“Oh no! It couldn’t get any
worse!” cried Falcon, “It couldn’t!”
“Hello, I’m Lindsay Lohan,”
said Lindsay Lohan.
“AAAH!1” screamed Falcon.
Wtf Chicken
Kirby and Jigglypuff “Okay, this is where we sell
posters!” said Kirby, sitting down on a chair, with a table in front of him.
“Jig Iggly Ig, Ig, iggly jig
ig puff jiggly-” said Jigglypuff. “It’s Lunch Hour, so that’s where the
money is hanging! You make a distraction, and ol’ Jigglypuff will pick a few
pock-”
“Jigs, we’re selling
posters, not pick-pocketing,” said Kirby.
“Jig Ig,” said Jigglypuff. “Oh!”
Bowser and Ganondorf “Hey look!” said Ganondorf.
“There are the puffballs! Let’s try and beat them to selling those posters!”
Samus and Falcon “Please and try not to
assault any innocent bystander when we’re doing this,” begged Falcon.
“Okay,” said Samus.
“I’ll just assault you!”
thought Samus, mischievously.
Laugh track.
Kirby and Jigglypuff “Hey! Who wants a signed
poster of us cute puffballs?” asked Kirby, in a loud voice.
Some anime fan girls ran up
to Kirby and Jigglypuff, commenting on how cute the puffballs were.
Bowser and Ganondorf “Do you think there are any
hardcore Cornerians that are fans of us villains?” asked Ganondorf.
Samus: 16 posters “Oh boy, I’m so glad to meet
you!” said a male Samus fan, standing near the table, “Can you write a custom
message?”
“Okay,” said Samus.
“Dear Chris… nice to meet
you…” said the fan, dictating to Samus.
“Okay,” said Samus, as
calmly as she could, writing it down.
“Love…”
“LOVE?!1” screamed Samus,
kicking the male fan in the face with her muddy boot.
“OW!” screamed the fan, who
grabbed the poster, and then lay on the ground, aching in pain. “I’ll never
wash again!”
“People won’t like that body
there,” said Falcon, “I mean, have you ever tried to endorse the environment in
a good manner on this race?”
“Probably not,” replied
Samus.
“Maybe you should care for
the environment more,” said Falcon.
“Probably,” replied Samus,
staring at the body.
“Yeah,” said Falcon, looking
at the body.
Kirby: 15 posters “Jig Iggly, Ig Puff Jig
Buff!” said Jigglypuff, “We’ve got to attract more people.”
“I know!” said Kirby.
Kirby put on a red wig.
“Hi! I’m Roy! Here to sign
posters!” said Kirby.
All of the Roy fangirls
flocked to Kirby and Jigglypuff’s table.
“And when I’m done with the
wig, you can have it!” said Kirby, “They won’t know the difference!”
Bowser: 10 posters “Dear Craig…” said a fan,
dictating to Ganondorf.
Ganondorf wrote it down.
“Nice to meet you…” said the
fan.
Ganondorf wrote it down.
“I hope you have a good
life…”
Ganondorf wrote it down.
“And a very successful one
at that…”
Ganondorf wrote it down,
slightly annoyed.
“And I hope that you have a
nice wife and family…”
Ganondorf wrote it down,
slightly more annoyed.
“And I constantly think
about you all the time…”
Ganondorf wrote it down,
annoyed.
“And I-”
“SHUT UP!” screamed
Ganondorf, punching the fan in the face. He then put a death curse on the fan
which killed him.
Another fan walked up.
“Can I buy a poster of yours,
Ganondorf?” asked the male fan.
“Okay,” said Ganondorf,
handing over the poster, signing it.
“Thanks!” said the man,
handing over the money.
The male fan reached into
his pocket.
“Can you sign this?” asked
the fan, holding out a piece of paper.
“Okay,” said Ganondorf,
signing the piece of paper.
“Haha!” laughed the male
fan, holding up the piece of paper. “You just signed a document that lets me
sell you on Ebay! Hahaha! The law wins against evil! The law wins against evil!”
The male fan teased
Ganondorf a bit more.
Ganondorf ripped the
contract in half.
“Aww,” said the fan.
“The power of ripping up
contracts wins over lawyers!” said Ganondorf, wittily.
Laugh track.
“Wait, how was that funny?”
asked Bowser.
“Uh…” said Ganondorf, “Ad
break…”
Some ads for real estate
investment scams and novelty toilet seats came on.
2nd Charter
Flight Zelda and Donkey Kong “Let’s go!” said Donkey
Kong, running out of the plane.
“Taxi!” said Zelda, holding
up her arm.
A taxi pulled up.
“Take us to the Sunshine
Shopping Complex!” said Zelda.
Zelda “I never thought we were
going to beat Fox and Roy to the finish, because all of the anime fangirls love
Roy, and Fox is like the hero of Corneria, so there’s absolutely no chance,”
said Zelda.
Fox and Roy “I feel so at home!” said
Fox, waving to a crowd of fans.
“Now I’m not just going to
get anime fangirls,” said Roy, “I’m going to get anthropomorphic anime fangirls.”
Kirby: 29 posters “Why are Samus and Falcon so
popular around here?” said Kirby, “I guess they’re like, space heroes, but I
mean, in Corneria?”
Samus: 50 posters “Just two more to go,” said
Falcon.
“We really appeal to the
teenagers here,” said Samus, spotting some onlooking fans. “Maybe they see me
as a role model!”
Samus saw a fly, fly onto
her helmet, so she grabbed the fly, crushed it with her hand, put it under her
boot and crushed it several times, pulled it in half (the debris), and then
jumped on it several times, crushing it to a pulp.
“Yeah, a real role model,”
said Captain Falcon, sarcastically, signing a poster.
“Okay,” said a worker,
handing a clue over to Samus, “Here’s your next clue.”
“Thanks,” said Samus.
Samus ripped open the clue.
“Detour!” read Samus.
“Detour!” said Master Hand,
“A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons! In
this detour: Rise or Fall!
“In Rise, teams must walk to
the nearby, local rock climbing centre, and both climb up a fifty metre wall,
where they will receive their next clue! The task is physically demanding, but
any team that is strong and has good endurance can complete the task quickly!
“In Fall, teams must take
the lift up to the top of ‘Sunshine Shopping Complex’, a twenty storey
building! They must then attach themselves to a harness, and both jump across
the top of the building, to the top of another building, 100 metres across! If one
team member fails to make the distance, they will land on a padded mattress,
and then will have to take the leap again! Once the two team members are
across, they will receive their next clue!”
“Let’s do climbing!” said
Captain Falcon.
Kirby: 50 posters “Yay! Sign my poster Roy,
please!” said an anime fangirl, hopefully, looking at Kirby.
“Uh… my fifty posters are
done,” whispered Kirby to Jigglypuff underneath the table.
Kirby jumped under the table
and gave the wig to Jigglypuff, who then climbed up and sat on the chair.
“Jig Ig!” said Jigglypuff. “Okay!”
“Why aren’t you talking
English, Roy?” asked the fangirl.
“Jigs!” whispered Kirby from
underneath the table, “You move your lips, I’ll do the talking!”
“Hi there, fellow fan!” said
Kirby, from underneath the table.
“Hi Roy!” said the fangirl,
“Can you write a custom message?”
“Uh…” said Kirby, from
underneath the table.
“Jigs!” shouted Kirby, from
underneath the table, “Just draw anything! She can’t tell!”
Jigglypuff drew a scribble.
“Yay! My own custom
message!” said the Roy fangirl.
Class 4NH “Roy fangirls are stupid!”
said a kid.
“Very good, Timmy,” said
Mrs. Houston.
“But Mrs. Houston,” said a
girl, putting up her hand, “I’m a fan of Roy!”
“Then you’re stupid!” said
Mrs. Houston.
“YAY!” said the girl.
Bowser: 14 posters “How come Kirby and
Jigglypuff are getting so many autographs?” asked Bowser.
“They’re pretending to be Roy!” said Ganondorf, angrily.
“I know!” said Bowser,
passing Ganondorf a wig and putting one on himself.
“We’re Roy!” said Bowser,
talking to a passing Roy fangirl.
“We’re not that stupid!”
said the Roy fangirl, “Everyone knows that Roy is only one person, so one of
you must be a fake!”
Samus and Falcon “We’ve got to find a way to
motivate us to climb up there quickly!” said Falcon, looking at the top of the rock
climbing wall.
“I know,” said Samus, “If
you’re not up there in ten seconds, I’ll kill you!”
“Hahaha,” laughed Falcon,
“good one!”
“ONE!” said Samus, firmly.
Captain Falcon continued
laughing.
“TWO!” shouted Samus.
Captain Falcon hesitated,
realising that it might not be a joke.
“THREE!” shouted Samus.
Captain Falcon realised that
it wasn’t a joke.
“FOUR!” shouted Samus.
Captain Falcon hurriedly
clipped himself to his harness, and started climbing up the wall.
“FIVE!” shouted Samus.
Captain Falcon scampered up
the wall.
“SIX!” shouted Samus.
Captain Falcon made it up to
the top.
Samus shot Captain Falcon in
the head.
“OW!” shouted Captain
Falcon, “What was that for!”
“Fun,” said Samus.
“Oh,” said Falcon, “Very
well then, a little bit of harmless violence is okay.”
Samus shot Falcon in the
head again.
Captain Falcon made a
nervous laugh.
Samus shot Falcon in the
head again.
“AAH!” shouted Captain
Falcon, dying, “AT LEAST THERE ISN’T ANY CONTINUITY BETWEEN SCENES!”
“Aww,” said a disappointed
Samus.
Zelda and Donkey Kong “Hey!” said Donkey Kong,
“There’s the autograph signing table!”
“Okay,” said Zelda, running
along.
Fox and Roy Roy entered the building.
“YAY! ROY!” screamed all of
the Roy fangirls.
The Roy fangirls looked at
Jigglypuff.
“YAY! ROY!” screamed all of
the Roy fangirls.
The Roy fangirls looked at Roy.
“YAY! ROY!” screamed all of
the Roy fangirls.
The Roy fangirls looked at
Jigglypuff.
“YAY! ROY!” screamed all of
the Roy fangirls.
etc.
Kirby: 50 posters “Jig Ig!” said Jigglypuff,
signing a poster. “Last one!”
A worker handed Kirby the
clue.
Kirby ripped the clue open.
“Detour!” read Kirby, “Rise
or Fall?”
Jigglypuff read the clue.
“Ig Jiggly!” said Jigglypuff.
“Fall!”
Samus and Falcon “Okay!” said a worker,
handing over a clue to Samus.
Samus ripped open the clue.
“You must now make your way
to Corneria Spaceship Depot,” read Samus.
“Teams must now make their
way to Corneria Spaceship Depot, where all of the Star Fox team ships are kept!
Once there, they must search for their next clue!”
3rd Charter
Flight Ness and Yoshi “Come on, Yoshi, let’s go!”
said Ness.
Young Link and Popo “Come on, Young Link!” said
Popo.
“What happened to Mario and
Peach?” asked Young Link.
“They were detained by
customs!” said Popo.
Mario and Peach “Why are-a we being
detained?” asked Mario.
“I’m sorry,” said a worker,
“You are being detained because you have material too stupid to enter this
country.”
Mario said angrily, “What-a
stupid material?”
The worker pointed at Peach.
“Oh-a,” said Mario.
Kirby and Jigglypuff “I know how we should do it
this time!” said Kirby. “Hop onto my back!”
Jigglypuff jumped on.
Kirby puffed up, and then
jumped into the air, constantly puffing up again to keep at the same height.
They landed on the target
building.
“Phew!” said a puffed Kirby.
A worker handed Kirby the
next clue.
“You must now make your way
to Corneria Spaceship Depot,” read Kirby, “Once there, you must search for your
next clue!”
Bowser: 30 posters “This is going so slow,”
said Bowser.
“Yeah,” replied Ganondorf.
“We’ve been here for over an
hour, because Fox and Roy and Zelda and DK were an hour behind us!”
Zelda: 18 posters “Look at Fox and Roy,
they’re almost done!” said Zelda. “The locals, like, love them, Fox and Roy are
like their idols!”
Fox: 48 posters “Whoa, the locals really
love us,” said Fox, signing a poster, “There’s like a line of hundreds just to
buy our poster!”
Fox signed another poster.
“Hey, we’re done!” said Fox,
taking the clue, “Cool!”
“Detour!” read Fox. “Rise or
Fall?”
“Rise!” said Roy.
4th Charter
Flight
Link and Marth “Our flight landed 20
minutes early,” said Link, “So we’re really happy with that, we can still catch
up to the others!”
Corneria Spaceship Depot Samus and Falcon “Here’s the clue!” said
Samus, pointing to the clue box.
Falcon reached inside, and
took the clue.
“Road Block!” said Falcon.
“Who’s ready to have a flying time?”
“Road Block!” said Master
Hand, “A road block is a task that only one person can perform! In this road
block, that team member must get into a spaceship, search this 2km by 2km
square for their next clue. What they don’t know is, that their next clue
contains jumbled words, and they must work out the pit stop location in the
clue!”
“I’ll do it,” said Samus.
“Okay, you’re pretty good at
flying ships,” said Falcon.
“’k,” said Samus.
Kirby and Jigglypuff “I hope our cabby knows
where we’re going,” said Kirby.
“Jig Iggly,” said
Jigglypuff, looking out of the taxi, “We seem to have been travelling for
ages.”
Sunshine Shopping Complex Fox and Roy “Wow, there’s still heaps to
go,” said Fox, looking up.
“Would you be angry at me if
I told you I’d never rock climbed before?” asked Roy.
“Should we give up, and try
a hundred-metre jump?” asked Fox.
“It’s going to take a while
to descend,” said Roy, clamping onto a rock.
Bowser: 43 posters “I can’t believe it,” said
Bowser, “We’ve been passed by Zelda and Donkey Kong, who came an hour after us!
How is this happening?”
Zelda: 50 posters “Just two more, Zel,” said DK.
A photographer walked up to
Zelda and DK.
“Can I have a shot of you
two in a romantic pose?” asked the photographer.
“Uh… uh… okay…” said Donkey
Kong, nervously.
“Heh… okay…” said Zelda,
shyly.
Zelda and Donkey Kong posed
with their faces close together.
“Thanks!” said the
photographer, taking a picture.
“So…” said Donkey Kong,
nervously, “How’s stuff?”
“Oh no!” thought Zelda, “Donkey
Kong can’t think of anything to say! He must not be interested in me!”
Zelda cried.
“Oh no! I’ve upset her!”
thought Donkey Kong, “She’s crying because she doesn’t want to be with me!”
Donkey Kong cried.
Ness and Yoshi “Hup Yoshi!” said Yoshi, “Here’s
the complex!”
“Do you think anyone will
want to buy a poster from us?”
Young Link and Popo “Here’s the shopping
complex,” said Popo.
“Hey, to put off Mario and
Peach-” said Young Link.
“Stop it, Young Link!” said
Popo, angrily. “None of your evil schemes work!”
“Oh yeah?” asked Young Link.
“Then will this slingshot work if you’re right?”
Young Link aimed the
slingshot at Popo, but it missed, deflected off a wall and hit the visiting
queen in the eye, killing her.
“You killed the queen!” said
the mall security man.
“Uh…” said Young Link.
Young Link got some black
paint, and splashed it over the security guy’s glasses.
“What a co-incidence, I just
went blind,” said the security man, “I guess I’ll drop all charges!”
Mario and Peach “I still can’t-a believe
that we were-a held up in customs!” said Mario, sitting in a taxi, “Now Link
and Marth are only ten minutes behind us!”
Link and Marth “I would be so grateful right
now if I found out a team was held up at the airport, or in traffic,” said
Marth, sitting in a taxi.
Corneria Spaceship Depot Samus and Falcon “There’s a clue!” said Samus
to herself, landing the spaceship.
Samus got up, and then took
the clue that was lying in the ground.
Samus opened the clue.
“You must now make your way
to: Thimble or Load…” read Samus. “WHAT?”
Samus looked at the bottom
of the clue.
“Agar Man,” read Samus.
Samus thought about that.
“That’s an anagram for
anagram!” said Samus. “So Thimble or Load is an anagram for a place!”
Samus, confused, walked back
into her ship.
Kirby and Jigglypuff “Road Block!” said Kirby,
reading a clue. “Who’s ready to have a flying time?”
“Jig Iggly Ig!” said
Jigglypuff, “I can’t fly, you’ll have to do it!”
Samus and Falcon Samus looked at Kirby, just
about to go into his spaceship.
“Shh…” said Samus, walking
up to Falcon. “The clue is an anagram! Can you work this out?”
Falcon looked at the clue.
“Try and find an internet
cafe, and go onto an anagram encoding site,” said Falcon.
Sunshine Shopping Complex Fox and Roy Fox jumped off the tall
building, and remained in the air for about ten seconds. He landed awkwardly,
right next to Roy on the target building.
“Yes! We did it!” said Fox.
Roy got passed the clue, and opened it.
“You must now make your way
to Corneria Spaceship Depot,” read Roy.
Zelda and DK “Come on, Zelda!” said
Donkey Kong, at the top of the rock climbing wall, looking down on Zelda. “Only
ten more metres!”
Bowser and Ganondorf “Finally!” said Ganondorf,
signing the last poster, “We’re done!”
Ganondorf opened the clue.
“Detour! Rise or fall?”
“Rise!” said Bowser.
Ness: 33 posters “I think we’re just going
faster than Young Link and Popo,” said Ness.
Young Link: 22 posters “Why are they selling more
posters than us?” said Young Link, angrily.
“It’s because they have
their own games, we don’t! We share games!” replied Popo.
“It’s all your fault! You
don’t star in a game!” said Young Link.
“Neither do you!”
“Shut up.”
Mario and Peach “Finally!” said Mario,
“We’re here! Hurry Peach!”
Mario and Peach ran into the
shopping complex.
Link and Marth “Hey, that’s Mario and Peach
in front of us!” said Link, pointing.
“I think we can do it, we
could be more popular than them!” said Marth.
Samus and Falcon “Lombardi Hotel!” said
Captain Falcon, typing on a computer.
“Yes, that’s like a big
hotel around here,” said Samus.
“The correct location of
their clue is, Lombardi Hotel,” said Master Hand, “Which will be the pit stop
for this leg of the race!”
Kirby and Jigglypuff “What does this clue mean?”
asked Kirby.
Jigglypuff sneezed, ripping
apart the piece of paper, and somehow managing to sort them out in the order
of, ‘Lombardi Hotel’.
In a comedic fashion.
Like the cartoons.
So you find that funny.
…
You’re an awful audience,
you know that?
Samus and Falcon The taxi pulled up.
“Lombardi hotel!” said
Samus.
Kirby and Jigglypuff “Taxi!” said Kirby, holding
up his hand.
A taxi drove onto the curb.
“Lombardi hotel!” said
Kirby, “And Fast!”
Pit Stop Master Hand waited on the
map. Both teams sprinted in, trying to nudge each other out of the way to get
to the pit stop first. Samus stomped on Jigglypuff, Kirby inhaled Falcon.
Kirby, Samus and Jigglypuff looked at Master Hand right in front of them. Kirby
spat out Captain Falcon, and tried to assist Jigglypuff up, but Falcon kicked
Kirby against the wall, and ran with Samus to the pit stop.
“Samus and Falcon, you are
team number one!” said Master Hand. “And you’ve won a free romantic-”
“Woo!” said Falcon.
Samus punched both in the
groin.
“Samus, you’ve won a trip by
yourself to sunny Dreamland!” said Master Hand.
“Woo!” said Samus.
“Come on in, Kirby and
Jigglypuff!” said Master Hand.
Kirby and Jigglypuff
stumbled onto the mat.
“Kirby and Jigglypuff, you
are team number two!” said Master Hand.
“Yay!” said Kirby.
4:00 Fox and Roy “I’ll fly the ship,” said
Fox, “I’m the one that’s a local here.”
Zelda and Donkey Kong “I’ll do it!” said Donkey
Kong.
“You better hurry, we’ve got
to beat Fox and Roy!”
Sunshine Shopping Complex Bowser and Ganondorf Bowser climbed to the top of
the wall.
“Okay!” said Ganondorf
happily, taking the clue.
“You must now make your way
to the Corneria spaceship depot!”
Ness and Yoshi “Yes!” said Ness, taking the clue. “Thanks guys!”
Yoshi opened the clue.
“Yoshi yoshi, up yoshi, herr
yoshi yoshi!” said Yoshi. “Detour! Rise or fall?”
“Rise!” said Ness.
Young Link: 44 posters “Okay,” said Popo, “I think
we’re still beating the uncos and the swordsmen, so we should just be fine.”
Link: 41 posters “We’re catching back!” said
Link, “We’re really popular around here!”
Mario: 50 posters “Why aren’t we selling any
posters for me?” cried Peach.
“Because-a you haven’t
signed any!” said Mario, angrily.
“Oh,” said Peach.
4:30 Fox and Roy “You must now make your way
to: Thimble or Load…” read Fox. “Huh?”
Fox looked at the bottom of
the clue.
“Agar Man,” read Fox. “What
does that mean?”
Zelda and Donkey Kong “Thimble or Load? What does
that mean?” said Donkey Kong, showing the clue to Zelda.
“I don’t know!” said Zelda.
Bowser and Ganondorf “I’ll fly the spaceship,”
said Bowser.
Ness and Yoshi “There’s the depot!” said Ness, pointing out from the taxi.
Yoshi and Ness got out of
the taxi.
“Can you stay here?” asked Ness. “Thanks!”
Young Link and Popo “There’s Link and Marth in a
few taxis behind us,” said Young Link, pointing out of the taxi, “And there’s
Peach and Mario a few behind them! It’s really close!”
Fox and Roy “You reckon it’s an
anagram?” asked Fox.
“Well,” said Roy, “Agar man is an anagram of anagram.”
“I guess,” said Fox.
“Do you know any hotels
around here that are jumbled up like that?” asked Roy.
“I’ve got it!” said Fox,
“Take out the ‘hotel’, and that leaves ‘Lombardi!’”
“Lombardi Hotel!” said Roy. “Falco’s hotel!”
Zelda and Donkey Kong “Did you hear that?” asked
Zelda.
“Yeah, Lombardi Hotel,” said
DK.
“Let’s try and beat them!”
said Zelda.
Pit Stop Fox and Roy ran in, and
stood on the universe map.
“Fox and Roy,” said Master
Hand, “You are team number two!”
“Yeah!” said Fox.
Zelda and Donkey Kong ran in
a few minutes later.
“Zelda and Donkey Kong, you
are team number four!”
“Yes!” said Donkey Kong.
Ness “Thimble or Load…” said Ness. “Agar Man!”
Ness thought about that for a few seconds.
“Agar man is separate,” said
Ness, “So Thimble and Load is an anagram of… Lombardi Hotel!”
Ness got back into his spaceship, and flew back to the
main building of the spaceship depot.
Ness and Yoshi ran out, and got into their taxi.
Bowser and Ganondorf “What does that mean? Ness and Yoshi figured it out!” said Bowser.
“Follow them!” said
Ganondorf.
“Okay,” said Bowser,
flagging down a taxi.
Popo “I have my laptop with me,”
said Popo, “So I’m going to work this out by going onto an anagram site, because
I think it is an anagram location.”
Link “I have absolutely no idea
how to fly a spaceship,” said Link, sitting in his spaceship. “I hope we don’t
get eliminated because of this.”
Mario “Thimble or load…” read
Mario. “What-a does that mean?”
Ness and Yoshi Ness and Yoshi stepped onto the world map.
“Ness and Yoshi,” said
Master Hand, “You are team number five!”
“One better,” said Ness, “This time our brains helped us get in front!”
Bowser and Ganondorf “This hasn’t been our leg,”
said Bowser, getting out of the taxi, “We’ve gone from first, to like, sixth,
and that’s not a good position to be in after winning a leg.”
Bowser and Ganondorf walked
into the hotel, and stepped on the world map.
“Bowser and Ganondorf, you
are team number six!” said Master Hand.
Young Link and Popo Popo ran up to Young Link.
“We have to go to Lombardi
Hotel!” said Popo.
“Come on, we’ve got to beat
those losers!” said Young Link.
Mario and Peach “Hurry, Mario!” said Peach,
seeing Mario run in.
“The code-a is encrypted!”
said Mario. “We’ve got to beat the swordsmen to the finish!”
Link and Marth “I have no idea what this
clue means,” said Link, showing the clue to Marth.
Mario and Peach “It could-a be an anagram!”
said Mario.
Link and Marth “It’s an anagram of
something!” said Link.
Mario and Peach “Something… hotel…” said
Mario.
Young Link and Popo “Young Link and Popo… you
are team number seven!”
Link and Marth “I’ve got it!” said Link.
“Lombardi Hotel!”
“Don’t tell them!”
Mario and Peach “They’ve got it!” said
Peach.
“Oh no-a,” said Mario.
“We’re gone!”
Link and Marth “Taxi!” said Link, flagging
a taxi down.
Mario and Peach “We’ve got to follow them!”
said Mario, running out of the centre, with Peach.
“I’ve got it!” said Mario.
“Lombardi Hotel!”
Pit Stop Master Hand waited.
…
…
…
Mario and Peach ran in.
Master Hand looked
surprised.
“Mario and Peach, you are
team number eight!”
Link and Marth walked in.
“Link and Marth… you are the
last team to arrive,” said Master Hand. “And I’m sorry to tell you, you have
been eliminated from the race.”
Link and Marth “At least we had fun, got to
see the world, got to appreciate our fans…” said Link.
“Yeah,” said Marth.
Finish Times: Samus and Falcon: 3:42 PM Link and Marth: 5:42 PM-
ELIMINATED Back to the main TSAR page.
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